Love in the Dark
by AnonymouslyAddicted
Summary: "I can't love you in the dark, it feels like we're oceans apart. There is so much space between us, maybe we're already defeated" - Adele. AU!


**A/N** : Okay, this is completely AU and out of character! I don't ever think they would act like this, or treat each other like this, or get to the point I wrote here. But for some reason, I felt the need to explore this. It's a mix of scenes from episodes 8 and 9 that sort of formed the idea in my head. I'd love to read your comments!

* * *

 **Love in the Dark**

"So are you going to tell me what are you mad about or do I have to guess?" he asked. He finished his call and got out of the bathroom to find her in bed, the lights out, her back turned to him.

She gasped, turning around. "Well, if I wasn't mad before, I'm sure as hell mad now. Since when do we talk to each other like that?" she asked, furious.

"I guess since we started giving each other the cold shoulder" he fired.

"Henry, I'm not giving you the cold shoulder! And even if I was, when did you stop caring _why_?"

"Probably about the time you started being mad at me all the time".

"God, you make me sound like one of those wives who's looking for a reason to get mad. You make me sound like a needy woman who is always looking for attention!"

"I'm sorry, but lately it feels exactly like that".

Her eyes widened in surprise. She never heard him talk to her like that. Never. She got up and went to her desk, taking her laptop and papers with her.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Downstairs to work. I think it's best if we end this here before either one of us says something we'll end up regretting in the morning".

"Great. Run away from the problem. Haven't done that in a long time".

"Wow. Really, Henry? What has gotten into you?"

"You're the one who got mad for no reason!"

"I wasn't mad Henry. I was hurt that you felt the need to lie to me about taking that call. Don't worry, I wasn't eavesdropping, but I'm not stupid and you clearly didn't take a shower like you said".

"What exactly are you implying Elizabeth? That I'm having an affair?"

"Honestly Henry, I don't know anymore".

Waking up, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes only to notice her side of the bed was empty. He glanced at the clock – 5:45. He sighed. She hasn't slept in bed all night. It's not that he go much sleep either. He tossed and turned most of the night, thinking about what he said to her. About what she said to him. He was beginning to understand that she was deeply hurt, that she truly believed he might be having an affair. Because she never spent a night not sleeping in their bed with him. No matter how angry they were at each other.

"Morning" he said, handing her a cup of coffee, sitting on the coffee table in front of her.

"Morning" she answered, taking the cup from him, sitting up. She didn't meet his eyes. She didn't want him to read her, to see that her eyes were swollen, that she cried all night.

"Elizabeth…" he said, moving to take her hand in his.

But she moved from his touch. "I don't have time for this right now. I'm going to get ready for work" she said, leaving him behind as she walked upstairs. She closed the bathroom door behind her, leaning against it, letting out a sigh. She looked at the rings on her finger and tears formed in her eyes again. She wanted to be wrong; she didn't want to believe he could have an affair. But lately, it seemed like everything she thought she knew about him changed. Lately it seemed like he was no longer the man she married. And maybe he thought she was no longer the woman he married, so he searched for solace at the arms of another woman. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she started her day, hoping the makeup would cover the lack of sleep, the crying.

She sneaked out the back door, refusing to meet him again. She couldn't risk meeting his eyes again, meeting his touch. She didn't want to cry anymore. Being Secretary of State she had to leave her own personal problems at home, and focus on the work she had, on the crisis she had to solve. No one cared that her own life felt like it was on the verge of a crises as well, that she felt like a stranger in her own marriage.

He closed his eyes as he heard the door closes. He couldn't recall the last time they had such a fight. Sure they fought, but never like this. She was never this hurt, this mad about things he said or did. She never believed the worse about their relationship. Not even when speculations have been told to her.

He came home late that night. He was working all day on trying to find Dimitri. He buried himself at work, hoping it would distract him from the fact that his marriage was on the verge of a breakdown. He hoped that maybe, by the time he got home, he could find the way to reach her, to apologize, to explain.

"Hi" he said as he walked into the kitchen.

She began collecting her things when she heard him entering the house. She was not in the mood to start a discussion, nor did she have the time for it. She had a speech to get ready for. "Well, whoever she is, I hope she fed you" she said bitterly, not meeting his eyes.

He didn't respond. He really didn't know how to respond to that. He knew from the tone in her voice she wasn't 100% convinced that he was having an affair. Hell, if she was, he would've come home to find his clothes in the garbage, and a changed lock to the house. But hearing her say that, hearing her mordant comment, it hurt him right to his core.

"Elizabeth, we have to talk" he said when she turned the lights off.

"No, we really don't" she said. She left him there and walked upstairs to their bedroom. As much as she hated the idea of spending the night next to him at that moment, she had to at least try and get some sleep. She tried to keep her mind off of the fact that he was gone all day, that she had no idea where he was. Then again, this was his daily routine nowadays, and she refused to get used to it. They never lived like this, with these secrets between them. They've never been so far apart.

He walked upstairs as well, entering the bedroom right before she had the chance to close the door. She jumped. He scared her. She took a step back as she saw the anger in his eyes, the tension in his body language. This was just another thing she noticed recently – he used to yell more often, he was angry a lot. At times, it scared her. She didn't think he could actually raise a hand at her, but seeing this darkness, she feared one day things will get too much and he will spin out of control.

"Listen, you don't get to accuse me of having an affair and not give me the chance to explain, to deny. I don't care how big of a day your day is tomorrow, we are going to talk all night if we have to. I'm not going through another day like today. And I'm certainly not going to let you walk around thinking I could actually cheat".

"Henry, I don't even know who you are anymore" she whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

"More of a reason why we need to talk! Elizabeth, we have never let things get this far. We always say what we think, what we feel. You can't shut me out like this".

"There are a lot of things we never did before. For example, you've never talked to me the way you did last night before. You never treated me like I'm sort of a burden, like I'm interrupting your life. And if I am, Henry, then maybe it's time we end this".

His eyes widened at the sound of her words. They both swore they would go through great lengths before even considering a divorce. They both swore it would have to be something major, drastic, to pull them apart like that. He was angry that she just said that, as if it was so easy, as if it didn't mean anything. He moved towards her and pulled her fiercely into his arms, his lips crashing into hers, his tongue demanding access to her mouth. He kissed her hard and he felt her squirming under his touch. She tried to push him away, but he didn't let her. He softened his touch, realizing he might be hurting her, that he might've let his anger get the best of him.

"Don't ever say that again!" he said when he pulled away from her lips. Her eyes were dark and tears streamed down her face. Gently, he reached to wipe them making her close her eyes as his hand touched her skin. "You are not a burden and I'm so sorry if I ever made you feel that way. Baby, you are still my everything, you have to know that".

"Then why did you lie? Why are you constantly avoiding me? Why did you lash out at me like that last night? It doesn't feel like I'm your everything. It doesn't".

"I don't know Elizabeth. I… I let this get out of control. I let this take hold of me. I don't know what to say. I only know this: I'm not having an affair, and I can't even begin to describe how sorry I am".

"Who were you talking to last night?"

"My boss".

"Henry, I also get confidential phone calls. I don't understand why you had to lie".

"I guess I didn't want to get into the whole – we can't talk about things – talk. I see how much it's hurting you".

"Do you? Really?" she asked, moving away from his hold. She has been crying herself to sleep for months now, but he never asked her what's bothering her. He never tried to comfort her, to hold her.

"You think I don't lie awake every night next to you and listen to you cry? I haven't said anything because I didn't know what to say. I am the one who made you cry in the first place and I had no comfort to offer you".

"I thought by now you'd know that your touch is comfort enough" she mumbled, wiping her tears as she turned away from his look.

He moved to her, rubbing her back and her arms. "Look at me" he whispered. She turned slowly and he pulled her to his embrace, wrapping his arms tightly around her. She rested her head on his shoulder and sobbed quietly as his hand moved through her curls. She wrapped her arms around him, and he tightened his grip of her, kissing her neck softly.

"I'm going to quit this job" he said.

Backing away, she finally met his eyes. "What? No! Henry, that's not what I want. I don't want you to stop doing something that you love!"

"I no longer love it if it's threatening what we have. I am not going to risk losing you. It's just a job. And if in the short time that I've had it, it changed me into who I am now, I don't want it. I don't want to hear you say that we might need to break up; I don't want to be this man who can't comfort you, who no longer knows how; I don't want to hurt you anymore. I've caused enough damage. Elizabeth, you are more important to me than any job in the world. You're the only thing that matters".

"I don't want you to hate me for this".

"Oh sweetheart, I could never hate you!" he said, pulling her to him, kissing her lips. She kissed him back, her hand resting on his neck, pulling him closer. She missed him.

"Please, forgive me. I… It's too much that I did this, please".

She nodded, reaching to kiss him softly. He was going to have to work hard to make up for what he did. He was going to have to show her that he's the man she fell in love with, no one else. But at that moment, knowing that he was willing to give up everything just for her forgiveness, she knew she got him back. And after all they've been through, she couldn't bear being so far away from him.

He kissed the tears that fell from her eyes again and she closed her eyes, letting out a sigh. "I love you. No matter what happens, I will always love you" he said, capturing her lips.


End file.
